Thursday, April 7, 2011

HAPPINESS

Today, I woke up sick, skipped my first two classes and was feeling especially sorry for myself. It took me a few hours to motivate myself to do homework and the rest of the day to convince myself to go to my “Real-ationships and Emotions” night-class. In fact, I probably wouldn't have gone had my stepdad not come over and questioned whether or not I was going. He pays my tuition, so of course I had to go.

Although it took a lot for me to get in my car and drive to class, I am exponentially glad I did. It was by far the most impacting class of my entire college career and entirely changed my perspective on this dreadful situation my family is going through...

The topic of the day was 'happiness.' Oh, great! The last thing I wanted to hear was someone rant on about how we need to appreciate every second and find the positive in everything we do. My brother is in a wheelchair, my family is broken and my life is in shambles. I don't want to sit there and listen to someone tell me to find the joys in that; there aren't any.

So, I was sitting there half-listening to the group presentation, when the presenter read a quote which caught my attention. “Someone once told me that time was a predator that stalked us all our lives. I rather believe that time is a companion who goes with us on the journey and reminds us to cherish every moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we've lived” (Star Trek: Generations, 1994).

This was interesting to me because at this point in my life, it feels like time is, without a doubt, my predator. Time is constantly out to get me. Time is trying to ruin all of my hopes and dreams. I have three weeks until I'm supposed to graduate. During this time, I am supposed to complete two entire semesters of work. My brother is currently in the hospital with only a certain amount of time that his insurance will cover therapy for, but he clearly needs more than 60 days of it. We have a constant battle with time, and it seems to always take the win and then continue to rub it in with a long, drawn out victory dance without any “unsportsmanlike conduct” penalty.

The presenter then started talking about Aron Ralston. For a little background information, Ralston is the climber who was hiking around in southern Utah when an 800-pound boulder became dislodged and pinned his hand against a canyon wall. He was stuck there for five days, until he ended up having to amputate his own arm with a dull pocketknife. This split-second event, that he never anticipated happening, changed his entire life.

Okay, so what does this have to do with happiness or time? Well, we never know when an 800-pound rock is going to fall on us, or someone we care about. We never know when our time or someone else's time is going to be up, and our lives are going to be drastically changed. And for this, we must cherish every minute with every person we are privileged to have in our lives. Time is our friend, not our predator.

According to Henry David Thoreau, “[t]he greatest tragedy in life is to spend your entire life fishing only to discover that it was not fish you were after.”

I absolutely love this quote. Lately I have had the mindset that I will be happy once I'm graduated and once Trevor has recovered. I have kept these goals in mind, and have accepted the fact that until these goals are achieved, I will remain unhappy. By doing this, I have been drowning myself in negativity, in hopes that I will be able to come up for air when it's all over. But that's not the way to live life. I don't know when this is going to be over, or if it will ever be over. And when that happens, will I just be looking for some new goal that will somehow create happiness?

Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar explains this topic much better than I could even dream about. In the book Happier, he says "[g]oals are indespensable to a happy life-- to be happy, we need to identify and pursue goals that are both pleasurable and meaningful. Happiness grows less from the passive experience of desirable circumstances than from involvement in valued activities and progress toward one's goals" (p. 65).

So, although it is really good to set goals, we will never be happy if we depend on the achievement of these goals. We need to find happiness along our journeys, not assume it will be at our destinations. Basically, we will only be happy once we are able enjoy the little things in life. Happiness isn't something that is found; it is something that must be created.

Wow! I don't know if any of that got to you, but it definitely hit close to home for me. After class, I got in my car and dreaded the fact that I promised Walker I'd stop by the hospital. The song "Don't let it get you down" by Spoon came on, and my mind all of the sudden became clear. I can't let the fact that my brother is in the hospital get me down. I need to stop taking life for granted and start creating happiness with each little thing that happens in my life.

Once I got to the hospital, I got the best spot in the parking structure. Then, I went up to room 2613 and saw Trevor's big, crooked, half-paralyzed smile. He lifted his hand up to give me a 'high five.' My mom, Walker and Payton all came over and hugged me. All of the sudden, I burst into tears. I left the room, cried the entire way home and for a little while after I got home. I don't know if it was a sad or happy cry, but it was exactly what I needed, exactly what I've needed this entire time. After that, I went out and had a really fun night with my friends. It was the first time since Trevor's accident that it hasn't taken me hours to fall asleep.

Life is good.

6 comments:

  1. I really needed to hear that as well Alyssa. Definitely hit home. Awesome post.

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  2. Like!...no scratch that Love! Good to hear, it's funny how things work out just when you think they can't get any better. I'm a big believer in "every cloud has a silver lining" sometimes it's not as easy to see but it's there. Let us know if you ever need anything! Hang strong and make every day your favorite day! Sending lots of love from the Thommen Household!

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  3. Hi Alyssa, You may remember me. I was Diane Barker's back up when she had surgery. I watched Gabe, Olivia and Gavin when you lived on Bluebird. I remember you and Trevor just breezin' in and out. We never had much time to get to know one another. I had heard about Trevor's accident but just recently heard that he's still going through a lot. Interesting how God puts things on our hearts, at particular times. I was so encouraged and pleased to read you message of 4/7/11. I'd like to encourage you to take care of yourself and be reminded that God desires YOU to enjoy YOUR life. I've been studying the book of James and would like to share a couple of verses. "Come near to God and He will come near to you." James 4:8 "Humble yourselves before the Lord and He will lift you up." James 4:10. Please allow God to guide you and strengthen you each day. This meeting you're attending is a place to go and be encouraged. Also, turn to YOUR Heavenly Father. He LOVES YOU more that anyone. I'll be praying for YOU, Trevor and Your Families. Love, Miss Mary

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  4. Pretty profound, Alyssa. The entire experience, you and your family are having a daily impact on people you may never meet. All things for a reason......it may stink, and we may not know why in our entire lifetime, but I truly believe that. Strong chicks rule.........!
    kyle

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  5. Alyssa, I do not know you personally, but I love this post and it should really touch about anyone who reads it! I completely understand and agree the segment about goals and finding happiness within every little achivement/activity and not necessarily waiting for the end and hope there's happiness there! Not sure what you are going to school for, but you are an amazing writer and I enjoy reading your blog, you have a way to make me visual your experiences and tug at my heart. I hope and pray for the very best for Trevor, your family and you! Thank you so much for your blog!

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  6. I just watched 127 hours last weekend. What a story of courage and strength! It has stuck with me, and reminded me of the journey that you and your family are on. Thank you for the post.

    Becca J
    (coworker of Walker's)

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